The 30 Best Dark Humor Jokes

30. “I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy.”

31. “I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.”

32. “When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.”

33. “I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home, and you’re “destroying evidence.””

34. “Today, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I felt nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face. My parents are the worst.”

35. “I’d like to have kids one day. I don’t think I could stand them any longer than that, though.”

36. “When I die, I want to die like my grandfather, who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.”

37. “The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.”

38. “The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.”