The 30 Best Dark Humor Jokes

1. “I just got my doctor’s test results, and I’m really upset about it. Turns out, I’m not gonna be a doctor.”

2. “A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!””

3. “I was raised as an only child, which I think was hard for my brother.”

4. “I thought opening a door for a lady was good manners, but she just screamed and flew out of the plane.”

5. “I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He later told me it was the most violent book he’d ever read.”

6. “My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?”

7. “Man: How do you prepare your chicken? Waiter: Nothing special. We tell them they’re going to die.”

8. “My wife left a note on the fridge saying, “this is not working.” I don’t know what she’s talking about; the fridge is working fine.”

9. “Option 1: Let’s eat grandma; Option 2: Let’s eat, grandma; There you have it. Proof that punctuation saves lives.”